Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
