You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
