I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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