Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
