let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
