U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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