You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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