I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
