wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
