I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
