Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
