think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
