You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
