She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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