dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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