Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
