i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Your penis caused this!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
