Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
