i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
