the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
