A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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