just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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