So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
