I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
