I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
