You're completely useless in the revolution.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
