so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I supernannyed him into submission
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
