dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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