I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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