We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
