from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
