is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
