I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
