She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
