Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
