Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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