I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize