Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
