when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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