You can't special order awesome
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
