Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
