uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
