Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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