I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
