I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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