Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
