I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
As shirtless as possible
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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