apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
