fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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