Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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