I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
