My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
be right there i have to get my cape
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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