You work out of a Hotel?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
