Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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