im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
