i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
