I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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