It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
