your room smells of hookers.
And success
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i now understand why vodka
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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