First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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