Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
is that a dick in a sweater?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
